Yup, a decision about this website has been taken.
Expect some nice changes soon.
It will still be a blog, or at least have one, but hopefully, it'll be much more than that.
Meanwhile, I'll briefly tell you: there's a new girl in my life.
Well, she's not really in my life yet, but I'm really interested.
Ok, just that for now, I'll be working on the "new" Frozen South.
So a friend convinced me that what I really needed was to go out. I knew he was wrong, but I didn't want to argue, so I went out to some sort of party of someone I didn't know.
Almost 6 million people live in this stupid city, but of course, of all the places they can choose to go, one very special person chose the same place I did.
As if my life wasn't funny enough, Popular Girl was there.
Popular Girl: Well well, what are you, doing here?
Me: I was about to ask myself the same question.
Popular Girl: Huh? Whatever. So what have you been up to? Saving the world as always?
Me: Not really. Just trying to save myself. But I guess I failed.
Popular Girl: Yeah, you've always been kinda lost. I mean, you've always been some kind of loser.
Me: Great, just what I needed. How come I always end up with you? My life is some sort of joke.
Popular Girl: Huh? Yeah, right. So can you take me home please? I think all my friends left.
Me: I'm sure you'll make new ones round here in a minute.
Popular Girl: Come on, for old times. Please? You might even get to kiss me this time.
Me: Wow, my dream come true.
Popular Girl: You know? I could kiss you if I wanted to.
Me: Um, sure. Like you've never tried that before. Come on, I'll take you home. I don't want you to die, yet.
Popular Girl: Thanks!
So after dropping her home, I drove aimlessly through the empty streets. Six million people, how come I was so alone?
So after everything that happened, I really didn't know where to continue my life.
I had left almost everything behind for her, and now I found myself lost.
I tried to remember where I was before I met her, and I couldn't.
But sometimes life can surprise you. And, of course, this time it did.
I had submitted a short story for a creative writing/literature class some time ago. My teacher is some sort of poet and literary critic.
And yesterday, he returned my story, and on the cover, it said:
"Life can be surprising. A world so sad, so pure, breathing through these pages. The words you use, the signs you choose; everything makes sense. This is the best I've read in years. Life can sure be surprising."
So, finally convincing myself that it was better to just find out the truth, I called her.
Beach Girl: I thought you had left me again...
Me: I'm not sure. There's something I need to know. When you left your phone on the table, someone called, asking for his girlfriend.
Beach Girl: Well, it must have been a mistake.
Me: That's what I thought, but you had the number stored in your phone.
Beach Girl: I...Do you trust me?
Me: To be honest, I'm not really sure right now.
Beach Girl: You have to trust me. That's an ex-boyfriend, he's always been jealous. You have to believe me, do you?
Me: Is he an ex? Please say yes.
Beach Girl: Well...he's not exactly an ex, I mean, I meant to end that but I...it's just that you came so quickly back into my life...I didn't want to have to choose...
Me: Well, I guess you just did.
Beach Girl: No! Please, I choose you, I love you, please.
I had assumed that after all these times, my heart would already be used to this sort of thing.
But I couldn't help feeling that it was breaking into a million pieces once again, when I hanged up the phone.
So after I said those words, I waited by the phone, not sure what came next.
And she called. And she said:
I love you too.
Everything seemed to stop. And I wanted to stay in that moment forever, but life is not that easy.
That night, we went out to have a drink, and when she went to the restroom, her cell phone rang, and a weird name appeared on the screen and for some reason, I answered.
Guy: Who's this?
Me: Well, who are you? Who do you want to talk to?
Guy: I want to talk with my girlfriend, now, who might you be?
I hanged up as she returned to our table. I couldn't speak, I took her home, without saying a single word. And I've stayed like that all week. I haven't answered her calls. I can't believe this is true. I keep thinking that there must be some mistake, but I really don't want to find out.
I called her in the morning and she didn't answer.
I sent her an SMS and she didn't reply.
And when I finally got her to answer her phone, she said she didn't feel like talking, and hanged up.
I spent all day watching the rain, while listening to the same part of a song:
Oh God, but under the weight of life
Things seem, so much brighter on the other side
And as I was about to go to sleep, feeling awfully bad, my phone rang.
And it was her.
She said her ex-boyfriend had called her.
I stayed silent.
She also said that she had realized she didn't want to spend another day without talking with me.
And as much as I regret saying it over the phone, the only words that finally came out of my mouth, and out of my soul if I have one, were:
I love you. And I hanged up. I just couldn't hear what came next. I had finally said it. And the world didn't end.
Not yet at least.
It always seems like it's the best people that leave.
A lovely girl has left the blogging world.
I'll miss you Sher.
I'll keep hoping you change your mind some day.
Some of us have left and returned.
Others never do.
Beach Girl insisted that we go to the beach. The same beach we were at, a long, long time ago.
And we did.
And we sat, exactly were we had sat that time.
And, once again, she spoke:
Beach Girl: Have you ever loved anyone?
Me: I...I'm not sure...
Beach Girl: I think I loved you, a long, long time ago.
I started to fear that everything would happen again. I had an unusually hard time trying to find the right words. And I couldn't. Me: I...guess...
Beach Girl: And I think I'm starting to feel the same way again. You are everything I had been waiting for.
Beach Girl: You?
Me: I think I had never felt this way before. The way I feel about you.
She smiled, and I was able to breathe again. Beach Girl: Well, that's a good start.
We stayed at the beach until the sun was gone, and as we stared into the moonlit ocean, I couldn't help feeling that someone had given me the chance to go back, and take the other road. The right one.
I've been feeling as if everything is finally falling together. Every little piece of my life seems to fit.
I went with Beach Girl to see Matrix Reloaded, and after it ended and I was taking her home, I kept thinking about the same scene:
Neo: But if you already know, how can I make a choice?
The Oracle: Because you didn't come here to make a choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it.
And I thought that somehow, me being there, driving my car, in that street, in this city, in the frozen south, that somehow, it made sense.
And she looked at me and smiled. She didn't say a word, and it wasn't necessary. That's where we were supposed to be, and I'm pretty sure we didn't really have a choice.
I stayed inside all afternoon yesterday, watching the rain.
Everything was so quiet, and I just sat by the window, hearing the rain.
And then my phone rang. And it was her.
Beach Girl: I miss you, I just wanted to hear your voice.
I just couldn't answer. Her sweetness took every word out of my mouth.
I sat there, with her on my phone, watching the rain, and remembering every single time I had tried to get all this.
And thinking that maybe my stupid little life was finally getting somewhere, and that maybe everything I was looking for was with me, breathing quietly through my phone.
We were going to see a movie.
So I picked her up. Actually, I was about to do that, but she asked me to come inside. And of course, I did.
She said she was confused. She told me that maybe everything was going too fast. That maybe we should try to take things slowly.
And of course, I didn't.
I had left my house, so convinced that it was going to be the night that I would actually do what I felt that I had to do, that I didn't even stop for a second.
I kissed her.
She backed away.
Beach Girl: Are you sure we should do this?
I didn't answer. I just kissed her again.
And she backed away again.
Beach Girl: I really think that maybe we are going too fast.
I didn't try to kiss her again. I just looked at her.
She looked back, and smiled slowly and I knew she felt it too.
She kissed me and I stopped thinking that our movie had started half an hour ago.